id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
