why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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