Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Be still, my beating vagina.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
