It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
