Too much gin, very little bucket
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
