I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
