Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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