I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
