any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
