my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
