I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
