I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
