I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
