You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
