help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
