those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just gargled with NyQuil
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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