Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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