dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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