yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
