I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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