I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
