You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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