sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
