Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
