plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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