when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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