Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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