Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
