There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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