happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
