I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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