Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
