I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
