we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
