Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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