So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
