dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
