She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
