can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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