whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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