he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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