i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
4 words: hood of his car
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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