Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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