She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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