dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
