Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
