hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
