i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
