I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
