when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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